My Life, One Life to Live

Nu Breed - Changes

Everybody changes, whether its good or bad! I have changed alot within the past 2 years, and all for the better, there were times before that, where i'd be sober but only for a little while! But i am proud to say that I did change, I am almost 2 years clean and sober, and I love my life! I have accomplished a few obstacles in my life! and I have to say I am happy and proud of myself! And I, myself, have changed for the good, the better! and I will continue to grow into the woman I am supposed to be!

Pain in My Soul

I always told myself I was gonna write a remix to this song, back in my drunken days lol, now that im sober I think i can still do it! I got this! This song spoke to me when i was going thru a bad heartbreak! i felt like i died inside, my heart crumbled into pieces, but im still here and even tho i went thru a heartbreak, i know there is plenty of love inside of me! i may have died for a quick minute but im still alive here to tell my story! There is still pain in my soul, but i say THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!

Dedication

Eventually I will write a book, maybe this blogging will get me somewhere in life, if it does I want the loves of my life to be recognized!

My book and whatever I write, all my drawings, everything I do is dedicated to my heartbeats!

Micco Osceola Robert Osceola, Evelyn Marie, Ezrahlyn Elaine, Micco Osceola Jr.

Cierra Elaine Jaylah Elaine

Kaleah Jean Zamiyah Lanae, Enzo Ameer

Taeya Lanae

Joshua Steven Jr. (LJ)

Zada Jae

Eliana Angel

I love all 7 of my babies and all 7 of my grandbabies, without yall i don't know where id be! All of me loves all of yall! I love you all more than there are grains on a sandy beach and then some!

Here 4 Ya

Now this song has a whole different meaning to me! I remember being with a friend (wont say names), but we were laying side by side, and i played this song on my phone and I told him I like to hear new music, it was new to me anyway! and proceeded to explain that I just love music! I love music with a passion! but anyway the words Im still here for you, make me think that somewhere, maybe just a itty bitty part of me thinks he is still around! (my mind knows so lol)

Hey, Its me again

So, It's been a long time since I wrote anything on my blog! So while my now 13 month old baby is napping, here I am! I posted a song, will probably post another! I would like to pat myself on the back because I am still sober! Living the sober life has its ups and downs, but mostly ups! I am working on a better me for myself and my kids! What can I say, Im in love with my babies, and Id do anything to make them happy! I do apologize it has taken so long to get here, but Im here and the further I get in my little ol' life, Im starting to feel more and more free!

Since there is no more substance abuse or alcohol abuse, and not to mention no more physical, emotional, and mental abuse, I still suffer from a disease called depression, anxiety, bi polarism, it all has taken a toll on my mental status! Some days Im home and some days i feel so far away! I eventually come back if that makes sense, but then I get into my feelings and Im either going to cry or get mad! It is still very rare for me to smile, laugh and be happy! Im working on it though!

I am glad I am a mom of my 13 month old, one look at her and she can make my whole world do a 360, and i can totally forget why i was upset to begin with! And, Yes she is my Angel Baby my saving Grace, because if I didn't have her right now, I don't know where I'd be, I wouldn't be sober, I'd probably be out trying to find my next high, or figure out how Im gonna get my next drink so I don't have a hang over! Ugh! I can remember those sick feelings of not having what I needed and I can honestly say I never want to go back to any of that toxicity!

I think about not just my baby but all my human blessings, my other 6 babies and 6 almost 7 grandbabies that i created lol! yes, once again they are my creatures!

anyway, guess I'll post one more song, and maybe one more blog and then Im out!

Have a Blessed Day'

Love Me

** EM **

Russ - T Pain (Official Video)

Russ has always been the music that uplifts me when i need it! I'd have to rate russ an 12 on my scale lol with 10 being the best!

Most of Russ' music I feel I can honestly relate to, its like he wrote the music just for me! (haha)

Somebody to Love

A poem I wrote in 2019:

Somebody to Love

As I sit and wait and pray to the Man Above

So alone, I just want somebody to love

someone that will love as much as i do

No game playing, i just need someone real and true

I know...I will not hold my breath waiting

Even though breathing is worse, Im slowly dying

Just knowing that someone to love gives me a little hope

After being hurt all the time, I still can't see how I can cope

My mind is in one place it always seems to wonder

I can't help what I think, although it keeps me from going under

With half a soul, I need the other half to complete me

As soon as we become one I know I'll be happy

Now my heart, wow, my heart sometimes leaves my body

Plenty to go around leaving me cold, my heart is a hottie

As soon as the 4 of us can reunite and call it good

I'll finally be whole and happy like i really should

So alone, i just want somebody to love

As I sit and wait and pray to the Man above

Love, Em

p.s this poem is published in allpoetry.com

Bad Company

I love their duet, their facial expressions, the love was there and I felt it!

Rod Wave - Fight The Feeling (Official Video)

This song is by Rod Wave

Cant fight the feeling because she never finished healing!

Im still healing from things that i think i won't recover from! I am definitely trying to get over child hood trauma and im still healing from alcoholism and drug use! Being sober now, music is the only thing that really gets me thru the bad things! Im trying here, Im really trying!

My Sobriety

My Life of being clean and sober after years of drug and alcohol use! When I quit, I quit as they say “cold turkey”! Actually if I didn’t get pregnant and have a baby, I’d still be in the streets or wherever getting high and drunk! I am now 15 months sober and I have to thank God for putting me in a situation that he knew I needed. My 8 month old baby saved me! And I guess I’ll have to give her daddy some credit, even tho we have had our ups and downs, if it wasn’t for him neither one of us would be blessed with a beautiful baby girl! I love him for her, and that love will never change! I’ll share stories, memories of my past of how I was ruining my life, and stories of my sobriety and the life I live now! I am literally starting over from scratch, from the ground up! I can honestly say I know what it feels like to start from the ground up! To start over with nothing! Keep reading and I’ll keep writing! …..to be continued

Love, Me

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To Wait

So, what's it like to wait on something? I've been waiting all my life, for what? Everything! My current situation, I'm waiting on what God has in store for me. How do I know? They say be patient, something about Good comes to those who wait! Excuse me sir or ma'am, how long is this wait?

I do have a lot of questions in life, if I don't ask anyone how will I ever know? But if I ask my self do I really have the answers? I'm gonna answer that with, when it comes to living my own experiences, then yes!

My first question is Who the hell are they? They said this, they said that? That's the only question I have no answer to except they is a plural form of it, so they could be anyone! So now it's what or who is it? Me me me, lol, not really not unless I can say I am it, Mom, and my children could be they!

Anyway, I could go on and on! And don't mind my run on sentences, my way of writing, I believe in writing how I speak or writing exactly what comes out of my mind! Remember this is my mind! Ahhh!

Oh yea, waiting...I'm getting impatient waiting on my apartment or house, I'll explain later! Getting off track in my thoughts is a normal life for me! This is the way I live! Now to get all my ducks in a row, lol!

......to be continued

Love,